The relationship has been in a dead end for years? High time for a new beginning! Everyday life is marked by strife. There is no more romance and sexuality at all. In fact, both live side by side and past each other. Nevertheless, the relationship is held firmly in the iron. Man is just a habit animal. But this wastes valuable life. Lifetime that you could spend a long time looking for the „right“ partner. We show with our tips how to break away from unhappy relationships.
It is not easy to break habits. Often, routines have evolved – and routines are convenient. Maybe there is not just a partnership, but a marriage. Ending a long-term relationship is particularly difficult. When the idea of separation breaks out for the first time, a lot is usually tried to improve the situation: conversation, more variety in sex, couples therapy. Sometimes these measures help to reroute the rudder. But it does not always succeed. Rescue attempts can not force love. Once the feelings have disappeared or both partners have grown too much apart, there is no way to end the relationship.
12 reasons for the failure of relationships
According to a study conducted by Parship with over 14,000 respondents in Germany, there are 12 challenges for relationships:
- Little time for each other (57%)
- Stress at work (56%)
- Difficult financial situation (53%)
- Keep sex life alive (44%)
- Spatial separation, long distance relationship (43%)
- Partner pays attention only to its needs (42%)
- Little time for two with children (35%)
- Dispute over Everyday Things (31%)
- Dealing with children from previous relationships (28%)
- Staying true to the long term (27%)
- Agreement on weekend and leisure plans (25%)
- Thinking about a better partner (12%)
Not all couples manage to successfully master these challenges. After all, every third marriage is divorced. Every second partnership diverge. Being in love alone is not enough for a successful relationship. It is more important that the communication and the life goals match. You have to work on relationships. Always. Otherwise you lose yourself. The good news: every separation also means a chance. A chance for a new beginning.
Thanks to online dating, the opportunities to find a perfect partner are much greater nowadays than they used to be. It is no longer limited to the immediate environment, to friends, acquaintances and colleagues. Comprehensive tests of partner exchanges such as ElitePartner, Parship or eDarling help to create a profile of your own personality and to find the ideal match.
If you do not want to rely on an algorithm and partner suggestions, go for the search yourself. Single exchanges like LoveScout24 offer extensive databases for direct browsing. Filter options help to find the right candidates. It can be sorted according to individual preferences such as gender, age, hair and eye color, weight and size, smoking habits and much more.
Emotionally, many find it difficult to break away from the previous partner. The pain hardly seems to endure, even if it constantly gets worse in everyday life. But after the breakup, new opportunities and opportunities are waiting. There is no reason to remain in an unsatisfactory partnership. Everyone deserves a second, third or fourth chance of happiness.
Separation in sight?
Consciously perceive problems and worries
How do you recognize a relationship that has fallen into crisis? In short: the frequency and intensity of the quarrels. The habits of the partner are suddenly annoying. That may be her loud, unrestrained sneezing, his tendency to clutter, or the squeezing out of the toothpaste tube. Every little „wrongdoing“ leads to a huge argument. Occupational stress is abreacted on the partner. If controversy dominates the relationship, living together will eventually become unbearable. Problems, worries and hardships are no longer tackled together. There is no „we“more, but only a guilty party and an innocent. When the time comes, signs point to separation. Especially when at the same time respect, love and romance are missing. However, the end of the relationship should not be pronounced until you are 100% sure.
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To perceive problems in the relationship rather than to make it more beautiful
The first step is to clarify the status of the relationship and your own wishes. In most cases, things that are not (anymore) satisfied with the partnership are becoming more and more common. It can help to write everything of the soul. What’s frustrating in the relationship? What makes you angry? What can you just live with and what not? During the recording, you think through the situation. Do sexuality and romance, communication and togetherness still resonate? Or did they both lose each other hopelessly during the partnership?
Maybe not much is argued. Problems can also be seen on other fronts. „Sexuality? This is not so important to us anymore. We are now best friends! „ If this sentence, the feelings are postponed. Friendship and deep attachment are wonderful things. However, that does not replace love and intimacy.A couple should be physically attracted to each other. Sexuality is important for a working relationship. If this aspect is missing, it is often the beginning of the end. People have sexual needs. If these are not fulfilled, it makes one dissatisfied and unhappy. Living a shared flat with your partner is a bad alternative. Sooner or later, this will cause one or both to start probing for other sexual partners. One possible consequence is infidelity. However, even escapades or affairs do not solve the real problem: The relationship does not work (anymore). To close one’s eyes does not improve the situation.
Many couples stay together out of sheer convenience: the tasks are clearly distributed, everyday life is recorded. A breakup would turn the whole life upside down. You would suddenly be alone and would have to take care of everything yourself. Right. But do you really want to sacrifice all your dreams of comfort? Just because one has not found the desired happiness with a partner does not mean that it is not possible at all. Especially married people fear financial disadvantages in case of separation: „We can not separate, we have a house.“Is it really an option to cling to an unhappy relationship in order to be financially better off? This makes a real love relationship with another person impossible, because you remain bound. What Helps Here: Do not diverge in the dispute, but try together or with the help of a mediator to find an agreement. This keeps the divorce costs manageable. Properties like real estate can be sold and the proceeds can be shared fairly.
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Looking for a four-eye conversation
Once the breakup has been decided, it’s time for a private conversation. A separation should always be discussed in person. Face to face. Even with a short relationship or relationship, the partner deserves to be personally notified of the end of the relationship. In direct conversation, questions can be asked and answered immediately. That is a question of respect and respect. The one who pronounces the breakup is usually one step ahead of the partner. He has dealt extensively with the relationship, the problems and the reasons for the separation.
There is not a „good“ time for this conversation. There will be injuries. If the partner still has feelings, there will probably be tears. An emotional reaction can not be prevented. At first, some people do not show anything to the outside world. Others become angry or react desperately. This reaction must be sustained. If the partner is out of the blue, he probably wants to know one thing first: Why? When explaining should be waived allegations and charges. I messages are more meaningful than you statements. „I miss the feeling of connectedness“ is less reproachful than „You are not interested in me at all!“The point is that a fight at this point usually brings nothing more. If a partner has passed away emotionally, a one-sided line has already been drawn.
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Do not raise false hope
Even if the partner desperately responds, cries, perhaps asks for break or time to think: Honesty is crucial. When a relationship is over, it’s over. Maybe it will lead to persuasion or the offer to work on the relationship. However, it would not be fair to agree to a relationship break. If a restart is out of the question, that should be clearly stated. (Otherwise, the salvation of the relationship should be tackled.)
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At the end of the relationship, go to distance
Once the breakup has been decided and discussed, distance must be established quickly. If you do not live together with your partner, it’s easy: you give your other personal belongings back to the other person and ask for your own. After that, everyone goes his own way. The contact should be interrupted for the time being. Depending on how the relationship ended, it may be useful to block the other for contact attempts (phone, social media).
If there is a shared apartment, the separation takes longer. One has to move out. Financial liabilities are to be regulated. Distance is important, however, to calm down and sort. Otherwise there is a danger of endlessly discussing the same thing and hanging out in an endless loop of allegations, justifications and attacks.
How women deal with a separation
Analyze, suffer, blossom
It can be hard to endure the partner’s pain. When a woman leaves, she wants to analyze the relationship and its role in most cases. The „why“can play a big role. That’s why at least a clarifying conversation is important. It probably will not stay with a single conversation. If the woman still has feelings for her partner, extreme lovesickness can be the result. In any case, it takes time for the old relationship to be processed, leaving room for something new. Sometimes years pass by. Many women initially concentrate on themselves after a breakup. Maybe they change outwardly (hairstyle, weight, clothing style), move or do a training. It takes a new relationship. The resulting wounds must heal.
If the separation is processed a bit, women bloom in most cases. You suddenly have significantly more time for yourself and your hobbies. The reason for this: even nowadays, housework often depends mainly on women. In addition to their own professional activity, they throw the household, cook, clean, wash and do government jobs. This multiple burden robs strength and causes stress. After the relationship ends, they only have to take care of themselves.
How men deal with a separation
Distract, distract, distract
Abandoned men usually distract themselves after a breakup. With them, the need to discuss the relationship and the separation in every detail, is generally less. They prefer to move with friends around the houses. Often they focus on their work or do a lot of sports. The cracked self-esteem must be repaired. Men often succeed faster than women. As a result, they are ready for a new relationship earlier.
According to studies, men are worse off than during the relationship. You suddenly have to take care of the housework, the authorities and the everyday organization. Before, the woman kept her back free.
Ending empathy and reason
Key facts at a glance
- Have a personal conversation ! A relationship should be completed in a face-to-face conversation, not by text message, email, Facebook post, What’s App message or phone call. The other deserves the chance to debate.
- Tell the partner as soon as possible that the relationship is over! Whoever pronounces the separation has worked through the relationship. In part, a trusted person plays a role. A conversation partner may be the best friend, the sister, a close friend or a parent. Nevertheless, the partner should learn as second as possible of the end of the relationship. In any case, when the decision to end the matter has been made.
- Choose the time to finish with care ! There is no good time to finish. Bad news remains bad news. But the end of the relationship should not be announced just on Christmas, for a birthday, before an exam or on another important day.
- No blame ! It’s too late for that. There is no point in blaming the ex-partner or rubbing his nose with every little misconduct. He can not change anything, neither in the past nor in the future.
- Always stay with the truth ! If a relationship ends, it is never just a person’s fault. Errors are usually made on both sides. Is the line drawn because of the behavior of the still-partner? Then that may be said. Because lying is not a solution. The other person should experience the real reason for the breakup.
- The drifting apart admit ! Is the relationship over because love has disappeared? Are the expectations no longer compatible? Then it should be said the same way: „I just changed. Our ideas of life and goals simply do not fit together anymore. „
- The change perspective ! Closing up can also mean that the ex-partner gets a new chance for real love. Sometimes, partners still valued each other very much. It is not enough for a relationship anymore. This can also be said: „You are a wonderful person! But I realize that I can not make you happy. „
- Do not unnecessarily hurt the other person’s ego ! A new relationship does not always give the actual impetus to the separation. If there is no other human, it will hurt the ego of the ex-partner less than if he realizes that he may have been cheated during the relationship. Is there already a new relationship? Then only helps to tell the truth.
- Do not raise false hopes when closing! Relationship breaks and breaks do not solve the problem. You move it. At the same time, both raise false hopes. The still-partner hopes that the relationship may still be salvaged. It depends on the situation: is there still a chance? If so, you can agree on rescue attempts. If not, an immediate end stroke is more honest and spares unnecessary suffering.
- Do without phrases! There are certain sentences that are better avoided in the case of separation. This includes: „We can stay friends!“ Nobody wants to hear that. It is possible to approach again after a separation phase. But in between, time must pass. A similar no-go is the statement: „I do not deserve you!“ That would probably vehemently contradict the abandoned person!
Do not give up, but look ahead
Separations are part of life. There is hardly an adult human being who has never been abandoned or who has left someone. As painful as this experience may be, in retrospect, even the abandoned person often discovers that a breakup was the only right decision. Tip for the Abandoned: It helps to look ruthlessly at everything Negative! All the trouble that the relationship has brought is over with the end stroke. Time is known to heal all wounds and the next relationship is sure to come. Read more: overcome lovesickness
Meet the 12 challenges
Do everything better with the next relationship
When the unhappy partnership ends, you are free again. A new relationship means you can do everything better. The 12 challenges show how to create a happy relationship. The mutual love is the basis on which the new relationship will emerge. Then it depends on how the partnership is designed. Are important:
- Take time for each other
- Talk to each other
- Minimize stress at work
- Improve financial situation, do not live beyond one’s own circumstances
- Keep sex life alive
- Avoid spatial separation as far as possible
- To perceive and respect one’s own and the needs of the partner
- Despite children, togetherness (babysitting engage!)
- Avoiding arguments about everyday life
- Sexual loyalty
- Match weekend and leisure plans
- Divide housework fair
In well-functioning, happy relationships, give and take balance. Of particular importance are communication, sexuality and time spent together. A relationship means work. Both sides must be prepared to cut back on that. At first it’s easy. This is especially true for the period of intense infatuation: you want to do everything for the partner, spend every second of the day together and can not get enough of touches.
The more everyday life creeps in, the more difficult it may be to not just think about one’s own needs, but to keep one’s partner out of sight. Without continuous communication and spending time together, it is hard to prevent them from living apart.