Singles with children do not find it easy to find a partner. Everyday life is characterized by stress. Children, job and housework must be reconciled. The complete break with the ex-relationship is usually not possible, because at the parenting both parents participate. Overlaps and interferences are unavoidable. Online dating offers singles with children a real chance for a new love. We give suggestions and tips for single parents on dating.
The conventional dating is out of the question for most singles with children for purely organizational reasons. After work, household and child care, fatigue usually spreads. An evening out is no longer think. Not every single parent can rely on a working network of helpful relatives and friends. If no one is on hand to take over childcare, there will be very little free time, at least with small children, to take care of one’s own social life.
Even with the possibility of doing something on an occasional basis or falling into the nightlife, the search for a partner is difficult. Finally, a potential new partner should not only unconditionally accept existing children. Mutual attraction, interests and attitudes must also fit. Finding a new love seems impossible to many singles with offspring.
Online Dating: Relaxed looking for a Dating
The situation with online dating is more promising: there is the possibility of resorting to dating sites from the outset, which specialize in single-parent dating. These include momsdadskids , singlemama , matchpatch or patchwork luck . But even with other dating sites and dating agencies can point to children. In the profile a note should necessarily be accommodated. This automatically excludes anyone who is interested in a life with children.
At eDarling has, according to spokesman Dr. Jan Richter just under every fourth single one or more children. For almost every third single, no matter if male or female, partners with children are out of the question. Therefore, a corresponding openness in relation to the family situation saves from the outset disappointment.
Tip: The most promising thing is to be self-confident and proud. It is an enrichment to have children and to live with children. Single mothers and single fathers may often be stressed out. For this they are true organizational talents in everyday life. When finding a partner, they know exactly what they want. They bring understanding to others‘ problems and they are extremely caring.
Why many singles reject potential partners with children
Singles with children generally do not have a very good image. Certainly not when the children live with them. Single parents are considered chronically stressed and exhausted. Compared to childless single people, they have – even with well-paid jobs – less money at leisure. With their time, they must also household. Responsibility for children often causes single parents to back out and put their own interests behind them.
Anyone who has children is not emotionally free. Children always come first for responsible parents. This automatically means that the new lover is relegated to second place. Everyday life is structured accordingly by numerous obligations around the child. Spontaneous dates are impossible, because first a babysitter must be found. For all relevant decisions, the best interest of the child should be included. Relocations or shared vacations must be carefully planned and reconciled with the holiday periods.
Men with children are often tied to payment obligations. If a man already has offspring, he may no longer dream of having children together with the new relationship. For women who want to have children this can be an obstacle to getting involved with a child’s father. In addition, contacts with his biological children must be coordinated with the ex-wife. Interferences are likely.
As single with child only singles with children?
Anyone raising children with an ex-partner understands the everyday problems of single parents. This facilitates a lot and provides plenty of conversation. At the same time, the problems may double, and both need to create free space; Both must carefully prepare their children for the new partner. Whether the children understand each other is another matter.
What singles singles can do
Your own perception determines the reality. Anyone who has a self-confident charisma , who stands by himself and his children, does not lose sight of his own interests and is proud of his professional and private achievements, is automatically attractive and interesting.
1. Reduce guilt
Parents do not need the permission of their children to make an appointment and have fun. Guilt feelings are out of place. It is perfectly fine for single mothers and single dads to do something for themselves and to wish for a new relationship. In the end, the children will also benefit if their parents are well-balanced and happy. As a result, parents have more power to cope with everyday life, are relaxed, patient and prove more sense of humor.
2. Do not neglect your own appearance, hobbies, interests and friends
It is important to realize that you are not only a mother or father, but also a person with feelings, desires, longings and needs. Only because you have offspring, not all your own life is over. Here lies the danger of confronting one’s own children with unjustified and unfair accusations like: „I’ve given it all up for you!“. Nothing prevents parents from eating well, taking care of themselves, doing sports and pursuing their own hobbies. Often, one’s own interest can be combined with those of the children. If you like riding, the child can also sign up for riding lessons. Cycling, swimming, running – all this works well with children, albeit at a more leisurely pace.
3. Rethink your own attitude
Having children and raising them alone is definitely a challenge. But parenting is not just negative! Those who choose children should be aware that education is linked to work, responsibility and limitations. On the other hand, it is fun to see a child grow up, to care for, to love and to support.
4. Learn self-management
Anyone who builds up networks at an early stage can involve grandparents, friends or paid babysitters in childcare and thus get some free time, even if the children are still very young. Older children are allowed to stay alone for a while. If the children are old enough for crèche, kindergarten and school, parents have more freedom to work and live. In the afternoons, older children go after hobbies anyway, visit friends or want to have time for themselves. Eventually, the older the children get older, the easier it becomes to free up time.
5. Point out your own privacy and respect the privacy of the children
Children must learn to respect their parents‘ private space. Likewise, parents should respect the privacy of their children. This implies that toys that are broken or dirty are not discarded without consulting the children, and that diaries, emails and text messages are not read.
Integrate online dating into everyday life
The right time for the adventure Online dating has come only when the relationship with the ex-partner is really complete. It should not be about making the ex-relationship jealous, wiping him or her, or filling a void. If a rhythm is found in everyday life, so that space and at least some time for a new love are present, the time has come for the Dating with children.
If the children are in bed, you can relax and search online. The energy is probably enough after exhausting days rather to boot laptop or computer than to leave the house. Looking for a babysitter is also not necessary with online dating. At least the first contacts are easily possible by telephone and chat from your own four walls.
Take children seriously as a conversation partner
Children must first process the parental separation. Even if they experience that both mother and father are part of their lives, the changes are dramatic for them. The family does not live together anymore. Instead of every day, they see one parent – mostly the father – only every 14 days. When parents start to look for new love partners, anxiety often increases among younger children. They fear losing the parent they live with. What helps here is openness. It is important to inform the children that Mom and Dad are back on dating. This should be done in a way that fits their age and emotional maturity.
For toddlers, dealing with this situation is easiest. They simply grow into the new constellation and do not know it otherwise. For older children, the situation is harder to cope with. From puberty, open discussions should be held. Adolescents who have fallen in love and have once again fallen in love can understand what is going on in their mother and father. Parents can confess that they desire love, tenderness and sexuality in their lives. The key is to leave no doubt that the children are acting and have top priority.
If the children are older, you can thoroughly go through interesting online profiles with them, analyze photos and ask their opinion: „Look, these three men were suggested to me. Which one do you like most? „ This is how the child becomes involved and feels less overwhelmed with the situation.
Do not introduce any dating contact to the kids
In order not to expose children to unnecessary stress, only a promising prospective new partner should be introduced and introduced to the family. This presupposes that the single with children takes the time to get to know the dating partner as comprehensively as possible in advance. Before the children come into play, the two adults should be sure that they want to target a common future as a couple.
Slowly build contact between children and new partners
In the beginning, rather short encounters are ideal, which are combined with exciting activities . It makes sense to go away together and do something in a neutral space. Depending on the age of the children, this can be a zoo visit, skating, a bike ride or a visit to the swimming pool. The important thing is to be able to move around, have fun and have fun together. A shared ice cream or a pizza meal completes these first contacts. Too long these introductory phases should not initially take time to give the children the opportunity to get involved in the new situation.
The new partner needs a good deal of empathy. If he meets the children with real interest, he can win them more easily than with gifts, for example. It helps to be interested in her and her hobbies. Asking about how things are at school, spontaneous help with difficult homework or transferring „driving services“ to the music school, to friends or to football are wonderful icebreakers. Maybe a child pursues a hobby that offers opportunities for shared experiences. Sport can usually be done together. You can show your other hobbies or, conversely, bring the kids into contact with new, as yet unknown, cool hobbies.
Singles with children data: These mistakes should be avoided
1. Gifts as an icebreaker
What is thought nice, can go backwards. Real affection is not for sale. Bring the new partner of mother or father with gifts, this may seem excessive to the children and leads to rejection. It is better to confront children with curiosity, empathy and interest and to get to know them without bias. There are enough opportunities for small gifts later.
2. Too much body contact
If joint activities with children take place, the new partner should withhold contact with the parent, focusing instead on the children. Otherwise he almost challenges the jealousy of the children. If several meetings have taken place and sympathy has arisen on both sides, the physical contact can be built up slowly.
3rd nights in the parental home
Even if it is difficult: Overnight stays and sexuality initially better not take place in the apartment in which the children are. Togetherness is possible if the children are otherwise accommodated, eg. As in kindergarten, school, with the grandparents or in the care of a babysitter. When the children get used to the new partner and accept him at the parent’s side, it is no longer a problem to stay in a bed together.
4. Take over parenting or criticize the child
As a father or mother, children will only accept the new partner if they are very young. For older children is to be expected with resistance: „You are not my father / my mother, you have nothing to say to me!“ Is an expected objection. Therefore, the new partner should withhold the assumption of typical educational tasks. However, it does not hurt to take a stand against the birth mother or the biological father and, as a friend, occasionally take sides with the children. The prerequisite for this is that the seizure of the party is meant seriously. If the new partner comments negatively on the behavior of the child, he will not gain any points. It is better understanding, even if the child reacts closed or dismissive.
5. To give too little time
It may take a while for the children to get used to the new partner on the side of mother or father. It is best not to build up any expectations. Often there is only a fear of an initial reserve of children because the new partner takes away the parent. Patience and emotional intelligence help here. The new partnership can suffer from the children’s reaction. Therefore, the adults should reflect and deal with the situation consciously, call existing problems by name and together seek solutions.
Finding a new partner as a single child is not easy. It requires planning, patience and prudence on both sides. Impossible is the new relationship is not. With the right attitude and organizational skills, single parents can also find a new partner. Online dating is ideal for that. Dating is flexible in terms of time and space. At the same time, one can look for a person who really fits in optimally with one’s own desires and requirements.